Anyone looking to play beta?

[perpetuity]

Right, that Time and Again fic, the epic not-starring but featuring Fuyuko? This is part of the prologue. I'm asking if anyone feels like being my beta reader temporarily.

This is not the whole prologue; it's part of it. I'm not finished yet. And it's kinda long. *cough* I take awhile to set the stage. ^^;; Originally, there were scenes of Genkai and Yusuke actually playing videogames, and Genkai playing mother figure to Yukina, but I scrapped those, because they sucked. ^^;;

If you decide to read it, please be critical. Tell me if I'm horribly OOC (I'm especially worried about portraying Hiei and Yusuke wrong, with minor worries about the girls... the only one I'm confident about now is Kuwabara. *sighs* And just wait until I get Kurama in here...Damn, do I hate writing Kurama... Youko Kurama is easy, but Shuuichi Kurama is a headache wrapped inside of a riddle who dresses like a conundrum for Halloween.). Tell me if I misspelled anything--I type quickly, and I don't always catch my mistakes. Tell me if something doesn't makes sense; usually my brain is about ten pages ahead of my hands, and I've been known to skip words, sometimes even whole sentences. Just now, for example, I didn't type the word 'doesn't.' Really. Luckily I caught it, but I don't always. Or I confuse things when I'm thinking fast. I think 'usually' and type 'using,' because I'm thinking about what the character is usually doing. Get it? That's why I need help.

Plus, tell me if I should just scrap this and start over. Heh.



Prologue - Collapsed
Yusuke

Yukina frowned pensively. "I don't know what's the matter," she fretted helplessly. "None of my healing spells are working... not one..."

I patted her shoulder, and led her from Baasan's room. I had been enjoying a perfectly good Saturday afternoon with Baasan and Yukina at the temple, me and the old lady playing video games, while Yukina spoiled us with her tea and various pastries and treats. We had finally worked up the nerve to pull out Baasan's copy of Game Battler, and we were tag teaming on it, trying to defeat Game-maou. So far, I had won a round of sports, soccer, level 3, and a level 4 fighting game. The old lady had beaten Battle Quiz, level G (while telling me about how Kaitou had spent a week memorizing the questions' pattern for his wounded pride), and was working on that helicopter game she liked so much.

When she abruptly collapsed.

Yukina and I had hurried her into bed, only to be called by Kuwabara. He, his sister and Kurama had spent the day in Mushiyori Park, and apparently Kurama had collapsed, too. They were on their way to the hospital. Shizuru was apparently using Kurama's cell phone to call his mother.

As soon as Yukina and I had decided that maybe we should take Genkai-baasan to the hospital, too, our favorite ferrygirl Botan had dropped into my arms, frantic and looking for Baasan.

According to her, in the middle of sorting papers and being updated by Ayame, Koenma had also collapsed.

Of course, we couldn't take Koenma to the hospital. Especially since he couldn't transform into his adult or physical forms while unconscious.

So Yukina and I headed back to the waiting room, where Botan and the Kuwabaras waited. The older sibling was still on the phone, trying to calm a frantic Mrs. Minamino. She would be at the hospital soon. Kuwabara was patting Botan's back, while she sniffled a little and worried for the three invalids. Yukina immediately sat down on Botan's other side and hugged her.

I went over to Shizuru as she hung up Kurama's cell and stuffed it into her purse for safekeeping.

"How is she?" I asked. Kurama's mom took a real shine to Kuwabara and me, she was always pestering her child to invite us over for 'play dates' and dinner and things. You really get the idea that Kurama didn't have many friends as a young child and she's getting him to make up for lost time. That, or she loves to see Kurama blush and get all frustrated. She seems to use these 'play dates' as an excuse to pull out all these adorable pictures of baby Shuuichi... especially that one time when Keiko came with us...

Shizuru sighed, and moved to pull out a cigarette... but she noticed a big, bright red 'NO SMOKING!' sign and stuffed it back in her pocket. "Worried as all hell; just like you'd expect," the girl replied. "She thought I was your mom for a minute."

"She took a real motherly shine to Ma, too," I commented.

Shizuru shrugged. "I'm not surprised. Anyway, hopefully she'll be here soon. Kazu and I'll probably stay with her, it's not like we have anyone waiting for us at home."

I nodded. "I think I'll stay, too, for Baasan and Yukina. I can call Ma on the pay phone if I have to."

"Actually, it might be best to take Yukina-chan and Botan-chan home," Shizuru murmured thoughtfully. "I should call Keiko-chan, too." She fished the cell phone out of her purse again. Yes, I'm just as surprised as you are to learn that Shizuru Kuwabara carries a purse. I guess it's a universal girl thing. "Hope Kurama-kun doesn't mind me wasting his minutes."

I left Shizuru to her call and wandered back to where Kuwabara was. Yukina and Botan both looked terrified. Which was understandable; all of us depended on Baasan and Kurama, and even Koenma to a degree. Kurama was the one who always had a plan, the one who understood everything, the general go-to guy. Kurama's just more or less eternally calm, and he gives smart advice.

Baasan's got a lot of life experience, too, and she knows a lot more about human emotions than she lets on. I mean, she's not as delicate with things as Kurama (he'll pat you on the head while she punches you in the gut), but she's a lot more practical and hands-on. She likes to make me learn for myself, I guess. She's a fan of trial and error.

And Koenma... wicked sense of humor, probably from being a god. He acts like an insensitive jerk, but I kinda know better. I'm an insensitive jerk. Koenma's a jerk, period. Heh. But either way, while he makes a huge fuss about being from the upper Realm, and that any help he gives us should come with us beseeching him like a, well, god... He's loyal to what he believes is right. Even if it may come with a stupid jetpack...

But Botan depends on him. He's her boss. Koenma has always been an authority figure to her...

Kuwabara and I both jumped about a half-hour later when the waiting room door opened. Botan and Shizuru were off getting snacks, and Yukina was sleeping with her head on Kuwabara's chest (she couldn't quite reach his shoulder). The little demon blinked sleepily and sighed, before shifting around a bit and going back to sleep. Kuwabara hesitantly rested his arm over her chair; not hugging her, per se, but if she sat up he would be.

I got up and went toward the door, expecting to see Shiori Minamino. I expected a frantic forty year old lady who was panicking over her son's health. I expected to have to wrap an arm around her shoulders and lead her to the doctor and explain the situation.

When do I ever get what I expect?

I was greeted by the sight of short, dark and handsome himself.

I blinked. And then again. And once more. "Uhm... not that I'm not glad to see you, but..."

"I stopped by your apartment when Kurama wasn't in his home," Hiei said coolly. "According to your mom, Keiko had stopped by a little earlier and told her that you were all here, with Kurama and Genkai admitted." His dying-rose eyes scanned the waiting room, falling on the sight of Yukina's peaceful slumber. "And Keiko left me a note, there, too," he added as an afterthought.

"Hiei-san!"

The door opened again, and clanged shut just as quickly. A medium-sized girl with short brown hair and eyes to match ran up to where the demon and I were. She breathless and sweating; her yellow blouse was glued to her shoulders. The shoulder strap of her powder-blue jumper was slipping off a little.

"Thank goodness, Hiei-san, you got my note," she murmured, still huffing a little. Obviously Keiko had done some work to get here. "Hi, Yusuke."

Hiei nodded to her in greeting, and she smiled a little at us both. Don't ask me why, but Keiko and Hiei seem to get along pretty well. Oh, they are nowhere near best friends, don't get me wrong, but... Maybe it's because Keiko was never blatantly afraid of Hiei like Botan used to be, but she's doesn't tease him on a whim like Shizuru does, either.

I asked Keiko about it once. She said she respects Hiei, she has ever since she saw him fight Zeru. She says he's an okay guy if I trust him as much as I do. According to her, he must have been a very lonely child, and that's the clincher for my Keiko: she's a bleeding heart. A motherly-type. If he'd let her, I have no doubts that Keiko would always greet Hiei with a hug just to let him know he's not alone in the world.

I wonder, sometimes... does Keiko remember Hiei kidnapping her?

On Hiei's part, I figure a lot of the reason he's so gentle to her is guilt. Kurama told me privately once; Hiei must have been near-manic to try the Keiko stunt. I made a PMS joke, then, and after thinking a minute I asked Kurama what Hiei had planned to do with the Kouma no Ken. I suggested it must have had something to do with Yukina... maybe he wanted to use it as a threat to produce her immediately, or suffer the demon's wrath...?

Kurama had shrugged and said my guess was as good as his--he'd been too worried about his mom to really care what Hiei was up to.

Either way, it never fails to freak me out to see those two act so cordial to each other.

Keiko sighed and dusted off her skirt. "Are Kurama-kun and Obaachan okay?" she asked worriedly. She stepped out of her loafers as she spoke.

Hiei shrugged. "I just walked in the door," he answered, mimicking Keiko's action with his boots.

"No idea, myself," I said, as they each got a pair of hospital slippers. "The doctors won't tell us a damn thing... and according to Botan, the same thing happened to Koenma. Two of the ferrygirls and Jorge are taking care of him."

"Him, too?" Keiko exclaimed. "Oh, no. Botan-san must be frantic!"

"They're probably waiting for the mother-woman," Hiei interjected. "The doctors, I mean. I remember, Kurama was almost maniacal during the mother-woman's first few hospital stays. They would never tell him anything because he was a minor. Not until one of her siblings or her boyfriend would come and vouch for him. It's one of the reasons he hates doctors so much."

"You're right, he won't be very happy once he wakes up," Keiko murmured. "Where is his mother?"

"Shizuru said she'd be here soon," I said with a shrug. "Thirty minutes ago."

"That's not like her," Hiei remarked.

"It isn't," the girl agreed. Keiko started walking purposefully to the waiting area. Hiei and I exchanged bemused glances, and followed her, wondeirng what she was up to.

She didn't stop when Kuwabara greeted her, but walked straight up to the receptionist. She passed right by Shizuru and Botan as they returned to where Kuwabara and Yukina sat on edge.

"Excuse me."

"Uh-oh," Kuwabara muttered.

Hiei nodded towards where Kuwabara and Yukina were sitting. "That looks like a safe vantage point."

"Dunno what you're talking about, pipsqueak," Kuwabara said apprehensively. "Last time I saw Keiko-chan in a mood like that she had just smacked this jerk around with her bookbag for calling one of her friends a bitch."

Yukina tugged on Kuwabara's sleeve to get him to face her. "You don't think Keiko-san is going to do something rash, do you?" she asked anxiously.

"Rash? Yes. Cruel, dangerous, and generally like Hiei or Aneki?" The big guy shook his head. "Seriously doubt that."

"You never know, though..." I muttered dryly.

The receptionist took notice of Keiko. "Yes, how may I help you?"

"Shuuichi Minamino. How is he?"

The receptionist lady removed her glasses and gave her a withering look. "And, ma'am, who are you?"

"Keiko Yukimura. I'm his girlfriend."

"You're WHA-MMPHFF!" Kuwabara squawked as his sister, love interest, and best female friend stuffed him down into his chair. Shizuru whipped a scrunchie out of her purse and stuffed that into his mouth. Botan pulled a rosy pink handkerchief from nowhere (a perk of being a noncoporeal being in a temporary body is apparently materializing whatever you need to make your stay in the physical realm easy) and added that to Shizuru's scrunchie. Little Yukina, once the big guy was down and shut up, just sort of backed off, awed at what she had helped her friends accomplish.

"Oh, dear," she mumured. "I-I'm sorry, Kazuma-san. I think I've been in the human realm a very long time," she added to Hiei in an undertone. "Their bluntness is rubbing off on me..."

I snickered in amusement. Hiei offered no answer; his attention was focused on Keiko. I spun around to see what she was up to.

The receptionist was raising her eyebrows. "Forgive me, ma'am, but your friend seems to have a little trouble believing that," she sniped coldly.

Keiko rolled her eyes, playing the part of an annoyed, bossy woman easily. Probably because she wasn't playing at all. "Well, it's really not a public relationship," she said professionally. A punctuating 'you idiot' was implied. I could tell Hiei was impressed with her nerve. "You see, my parents are opposed to me dating. They want to engage me to him." She pointed at me or Hiei; neither of us could tell which. "But y'see, he doesn't want to marry me as much as I don't want to marry him, so I'm having an affair with Shuuichi-kun, and you know, I'd really like to see if he's okay or not."

"Very clever," Hiei said quietly.

"Huh?"

"Whuff wiss?" Kuwabara asked, through a mouthful of perfumed cloth. I think he meant 'What is?'

"Keiko-san is," Yukina said admirably, echoing Hiei's soft tone. "She is very cunning. You see, if she had said she wanted to know how Kurama-san is doing, after she cheeked her, the desk-woman would not tell her, and shoo her away like a pesky insect."

"But instead, she told the desk-woman she wanted to actually see him," Hiei picked up. "The desk-woman is still annoyed, however, and is only going to tell Keiko of Kurama's condition. She thinks she's cheating Keiko and making her angry. Instead, she's doing exactly what Keiko wants her to." The demon smirked. "I see why you're so attracted to her. She has the one thing you don't: a cool head."

"It was pretty quick thinking," Shizuru commented. "Especially after Kazu almost wrecked it."

"Weef me awome," was Kuwabara's muffled response.


I also made myself pretty Koenma icon. *loves this image*

edit: Damn stupid jpg... *dies* Why can't I make an icon out of this image that looks good AND is under 40kb? It looked FINE when I first uploaded it & in Paint... Stupid LJ. *kills*

Comments

[sei-kou-ki.livejournal.com]

I love it. It's all the talent I wish I had. *Sweatdrop*

[perpetual-poet.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It was IC and all of that?

[sei-kou-ki.livejournal.com]

*noddy nod nod* Yeah, very much IC. It's so refreshing after reading all the fics where they make Keiko too bitchy and Kuwabara too stupid. MUCH MUCH MUCH better then my mutilation of them. X_x I keeel them. You don't.